Anti Pleasures (#2)

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Blog 2 then. Or 3 if you include the little intro bit I did. Either way I’m as excited to be writing it as I’m sure you are not to be reading it (let’s be honest I have no fan base yet but hopefully in a few months you’ll all be reading this retrospectively and sharing it with your friends/colleagues/mums etc).
By the way you’ll eventually see there’s is no set genre or topic to my ramblings. Nor have I set a timescale to how often I’ll be churning this rubbish out. But needless to say the minute I think of something worth publishing you’ll be the first to know.
Anyway back to the latest episode which I’ve called Anti Pleasures. A term I’ve made up which is a bit like Guilty Pleasures but different. We all have a guilty pleasure or two which, if you don’t know, is stuff you like but don’t want other people to know you like. Stuff like ABBA or Loose Women (or if you’re American The View).
An Anti Pleasure, as I’m calling it, is something the world loves and you’re expected to love too. So you pretend to love it (generally in order to look normal) but secretly you could do without it. Let’s look at some:

Sport/Football

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Now I know it’s not the seventies but this is quite a male orientated one. I’ve never met a woman who was mocked for not liking sport. There is an unfair expectancy particularly in school as I recall that you MUST like sport and indeed doing PE. I hated both with a passion. I did eventually succumb and fall in love with football about twenty years ago and still do love it but I’ll not lie, I’ve seen other activities out there and I’m thinking of cheating on football with the Bake Off or Location Location Location.

Soaps

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Why do Soaps get the glory of being a conversation starter? “Do you watch Eastenders?”, “Did you see Deirdre break up with Mike Baldwin last night?” or even “Seth did well in the sheep shearing contest on Emmerdale Farm didn’t he?” (I grant you I’m out of touch with the soap world).
The planet is in love with Soaps but the best thing I ever did was stop watching them because I gained a good hour a night which equates to at least 250 hours a year saved by not watching them. What do I do with this new found time? Watch Breaking Bad, Walking Dead, Family Guy etc. In not one of those do you hear Dot going on about Mr Opadopolous in the laundrette.

Cars

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Argh cars! I’m very lucky that my job provides me with a car. It also provides the other members of the team with a car each. So what is a favoured topic of conversation when the team meets up? And it’s worse if someone is due a new car. They start banging on about German engineering and horse powers and brake powers and something else like… I dunno, revs or fan belts or USB ports. It’s BORING and you sound BORING and I HATE YOU. But yes I join in and pretend to know what’s happening because I want you to like me.
Facebook

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I fell for this one. I was on Facebook for about ten years and I loved it until a friend made me realise I just thought I did. I know why everyone is hooked on it, because on the surface it’s very sociable and you can keep tabs on people you used to know to make sure they aren’t doing better in life than you. Sadly though they are doing better than you because they’re getting on with life and documenting it all online and all you’re doing is reading about it and ‘liking’ their holiday snaps.
I’m trapped on there though. I signed up to Spotify through my Facebook account and now I can’t access my music without it. They got me good. Mark Zuckerberg owns my ass and he won’t give it back.
Porn

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One of the biggest money makers in entertainment and I don’t get it (you know what I mean). I appreciate good looking people of both sexes and I know why you might like watching these individuals on screen. However, the genitalia of both men and women are horrendous. Truly unspeakably hideous. So the thought of watching not just one set of forbidden areas but two (In many cases more) going at it like bald muppets trying to hurt each other just leaves me wondering if I’m wasting my life. But again if anyone starts a conversation about it I’m all over it, of course. Dont want to look like a weirdo do I?

Elvis

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We’re all expected to know and love the ‘Kings’ back catalogue aren’t we? He changed the world back in the day didn’t he? Yeah he probably did and a lot of his stuff is catchy. But imagine if he’d never existed and Tinie Tempah or Little Mix had just wrote ‘Teddy Bear’ you’d all be saying it was crap. Dont tell me otherwise because you know it’s true.

Getting Drunk

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Now lots of us, old and young, like a drink but some see getting hammered as the ultimate goal and wear it like a badge of honour. Come on everyone do you REALLY want to drink to the point where you don’t know what’s what and if you’re anything like me start throwing up a couple of hours into a night out. It’s not big and it’s only slightly clever. Let’s just get tipsy people that’s much more fun. Remember to drink responsibly.
Dance Music

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Sigh… My gripe isn’t with dance music itself so much as the older generation who pretend to like it. You get them at clubs or the family wedding awkwardly shifting to it, even requesting it but secretly praying for Dexys Midnight Runners to come on. Why can’t we all just openly admit to loving Chesney Hawkes? Life could be so much better.
So how many of the above are/were you pretending to enjoy to both other people and maybe even yourself? I’m sure there’s other things you could mention too.

And I should probably add, there are things in life I do actually like. You for example. I think you’re great. You’re my guilty pleasure. You and ABBA.

Thanks for reading
Love
H. McKenzie

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