N-n-n-n-Nineteen… 85

1985.

I am hereby declaring this the greatest year ever!

1984 rolled out with Do They Know Its Christmas still ringing in our ears to unveil the ultimate annus.

It was a carefree time for me. I turned five this year and to anyone reading this aged four or under let me tell you, five is a glorious age. You don’t have a care in the world at that time in your life. Even though I started school which for me was a hideous thing and that was my opinion throughout my school life (that may be a blog for another time) even that couldn’t stop me from absorbing the pop culture of 1985.

Chester Park Infants in Fishponds. Made me the man I am today

The fashion, the music, the TV shows, The films, the toys!! It was all there for us. I’m gonna talk about some of it now and in the interest of keeping this blog at a respectable size I’m going to work from memory only, no research.

As a kid, the toys were immense. I didn’t have a huge variation of them from memory but just looking back at them now, well, we were truly blessed.

I forgot about Transformers! Mum wouldn’t let us have the one that changed into a dildo

Both myself and my older brother were right into our computer games (not video games), that’s something we did have.

Cant remember what we had at that time but it was most likely the ZX Spectrum and the Atari 2600.

I’m filling up, it’s beautiful!

Kids, if you look back at some of the truly great games of the time on youtube you will see that they look bloody terrible. And if I take my rose tinted 3D glasses off then I’d probably agree with you, but I was there, I LIVED it!

This woman was officially the first cunt in gaming history

Games like Chuckie Egg, Jet Set Willy, Manic Miner, Phoenix, Centipede, Pitfall, Spy Hunter..

OH MY GOD PASS ME THAT WIMPY BAG I’M HYPERVENTILATING!!

On top of this you had the handheld LCD games too. Stuff like Donkey Kong, Tron etc. The favourite in our house was this one:

£40 on eBay. I’m so tempted

It was just like me, brilliant yet frustrating. Plus it had the most annoyingly brilliant plinky tune it squeezed out while you played. Look it up on youtube I emplore you!

Toys always looked better in a catalogue. Specifically an Autumn/Winter

85 was a time when lots was going wrong in the world but luckily I was only an infant, the only things that worried me was my mum putting something gash on the tele like Sons & Daughters, The Sullivans, Falcon Crest or some gritty new show called Eastenders.

..Love and laughter, tears of sadness and happiness..

Looking back though there was SOOOOO much great TV.

I have to list some, sorry:

Gummi Bears, Fraggle Rock, Dungeons & Dragons, Terrahawks, Trap Door, Button Moon, Henrys Pissing Cat (working title) and even a show where a nice old man fixed it for kids to do things like sit in cockpit of a plane or bat his testicles about in his dressing room.

They dropped the ‘Pissing’

A honourable mention also for Small Wonder, a long since forgotten show about a family who’s dad invents a little girl robot and tries to pass her off as their daughter.

She had a panel in her back and a socket in her armpit

My favourite show was always Thomas The Tank Engine (& Friends). You know, before I was aware what having a Tommy Tank was. Also before he became all computer generated, when he was real. It saddens me that we now live in a world that demands your talking trains with faces must be CGI. Whats that all about?

If you engines don’t stop falling in ditches I’m gonna lose my fucking shit

I’ve been reliving some of the glory days recently thanks to BBC4 showing Top of the Pops episodes from that era. I’m watching it partly for the music but also for the fashions. I’m seeing a lot of shoulder pads, big hair and crazy make-up and the girls have some far-out designs going on too..

My favourite style has to be the rolled up jacket sleeves. I pray that’ll come back but I can’t see it happening. I NEED to become powerful enough so that I can start dictating what’s hot and what’s not in this world so that, if I pop to Wilkos in a turquoise Polo and white jacket with only half the sleeves on show, then I know all the locals will be following suit the next day.

Are you among this lot? Call me

Incidentally if you or anybody you know was seen dancing in the crowd at Top of the Pops then please get in touch so I can get to know you because you are among my favourite people in the world. I’m not even lying.

Mainly I just want to know if it stank of Insignia.

Always a bottle in our house

I’m gonna end this here because I could literally bang on about this year forever.

When you take into account I haven’t mentioned the movies or the music, then I think its safe to say I’ll need to do a second instalment.

H. McKenz- Bugger me I didn’t even mention Family Ties!!

This could run and run.

Sha la la laa

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